The Easy Way
By Steven Brownlow,
May 29, 2021
Talked with a client the other day who didn’t like who he’s become. So who did he want to be instead? He didn’t know. He only knew he was afraid.
So we talked about finding courage and using his fear as a guide for what he had to do. If it scares him, he has to do it. Unless it’s a predator. Otherwise, do it. Develop plans to implement if his fear is founded and everything goes sideways, but do it anyway.
The key to doing that is to follow your values. But he didn’t know what his values are, either. He didn’t even understand what makes him happy. So we discussed expansions and contractions, how expansions are his inner yes and contractions are his inner no.
I explained how yes is unambiguous, but no can mean any of a number of variables is off – differences in what, when, who, where, why, and how can each elicit a no. We talked about following his inner yes to find happiness and discover his values.
But he still didn’t know where to start, so I explained the Law of Circulation, the flow of love, and how yes follows love. To find yes, it’s best to prime the works by sending love outwards, using compassion and generosity. Compassion works best.
However, once the flow starts, it’s important to maintain it back to you and through you. Blocking or hoarding love leads to illness, so keep it flowing. Gratitude and appreciation keep it flowing back to you. Forgiveness, both for yourself and others, keeps it flowing through you.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming a doormat or punching bag. Forgiving isn’t forgetting, and it’s not excusing. It’s letting go of the resentment and chronic guilt that will kill you if you keep holding onto them.
Whatever happened, happened. There aren’t any do-overs. Learn from it and move on. Replace bitterness with acceptance.
It’s not unusual that I get back to the basics with someone, explaining the building blocks and how they work. It’s unusual that someone gets all of that in one big dose.
But there it is, at least in outline form. Start the flow of love, out, in, and through. Use that to find your inner yes and start following it. Question every no to determine what’s off to get back onto yes. Use that yes to discover what you value and enjoy.
Once you know what you value and enjoy, start deciding who you want to be. I say start deciding because that decision is never final. It can be fine tuned or redecided until the moment you die.
If you want to be different from who you now are, realize that every decision will lead to fear, which is how the amygdala reacts to novelty. That fear is guiding you, showing you where your growing edges are. Pause, plan accordingly, then move into your fear. Be who you intend to be.
That’s the easy way, which gets most people most of the way. When it stops working, it’s time to pull out the bigger guns – releasing, shadow work, and all of that. But first, exhaust the easy basics. That by itself will transform your life.